Lethologica
by thepageishere18
Summary: Merlyn pushed her bike along the dusty trail unaware of the car following slowly behind. Stories and rumors spread fast in a small town. Once the Sheriff set his sights on you there was no way out until he got what he wanted. And now she seemed to be the target of his desires.
1. Part 1

A/N: This is an AU where Caleb is never born and Merlyn never loses her mind as a child. Please be aware that Lucas Buck is very evil and dark in this story.

Lethologica (n.) when you think of something but the word for it escapes you

Part 1

Merlyn pushed her bike along the dusty trail unaware of the car following slowly behind. In the heat the rubber handle bars stuck to her hands. Sweat ran down her body under the Carolina sun. Her sandals did little to protect her feet from stray rocks and debris. Only Merlyn didn't mind. In a few short minutes she'll be home sweating on the front porch with her mama.

Behind her a siren sounded. She turned to see an unmarked police car pull over and stop. She recognized that car, everyone did, it belonged to the esteemed sheriff of Trinity, and those sirens were meant for her.

She waited nervously for the Sheriff to leave the car. Stories and rumors spread fast in a small town. She heard that once the Sheriff set his sights on you there was no way out until he got what he wanted. And now she seemed to be the target of his desires. Looking around the abandon road she hoped someone would pass by and see her predicament. A car door creaked as Sheriff Buck exited the car and moved towards her. He smiled. "What seems to be the problem, little lady?"

Merlyn was a pretty girl even with a stray hair sticking to her forehead. She greeted a stranger with a smile and nodded her head before answering with a "yes, ma'am", "yes, sir," like any respectful child. Pretty and gentle like her mother but more delicate and innocent.

Merlyn bit her lip not wanting to admit her troubles. However, she squirmed under Lucas's all knowing gaze and broke her silence. "My tire is flat." Her sore hands stayed glued to the handle bars.

Lucas conked his head and knelt down to inspect the deflated tire. His fingers brushed a fragment of glass stuck in the rubber. "It seems she is. Why don't I give you a ride home and then your daddy can fix it for you?" Standing up he dusted the dirt off his hands.

Every passing second with Lucas made Merlyn's stomach twist. She politely declined. "Thanks, but I rather walk." She started pushing her bike again ready to leave the Sheriff in the dust.

A rumble of thunder echoed in the distance shattering the illusion of a peaceful day.

Not even two feet and a hand roughly grabbed her arm. She nearly screamed when she felt Lucas's firm grip.

"I don't think so. Get in the car, Merlyn." He ripped the bike away and stashed it in the trunk. "Get in."

Merlyn jumped when the hatched slammed down. Left without transportation or any logical reason to refuse the ride, Merlyn reluctantly got in the car. A crow cawed as Merlyn shut the door.

A moment later, Lucas joined her and started the engine. He looked over to see a lock of hair sticking to her plump lips. Giving into his urges, he reached over to brush her hair away.

Merlyn slapped his hand and scooted closer to the door. "Don't touch me." She hugged the side of the car in an attempt to keep them separated. Alone in the car with Lucas, she feared he might try to do more than grope her.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Merly Ann." Lucas turned onto an unfamiliar road wanting to throw her off and spend more time with her.

Merlyn noticed the change of scenery, but didn't say anything because she was too distracted by Lucas's advances. "Don't call me that."

Only the raise of an eyebrow hinted at Lucas's silent chuckle. "What? Merly Ann? That's your name, darling."

By this time the two of them had passed the county limits and the unfamiliar landscape scared Merlyn. Up ahead dark clouds towered above the trees and meadows.

"I don't like you calling me Merly Ann." Merlyn crossed her arms and avoided Lucas intense gaze. How could he be looking at her and the road at once? It unnerved her.

Ah, Merlyn was taking her nickname personally. Frustrated with the backtalk Lucas slammed on the breaks, launching Merlyn forward only to be jerked back by her seatbelt. "Get out," he ordered. He tapped the steering wheel.

Merlyn looked around at the unfamiliar landscape. All the twist and turns confused her and she was hopelessly lost. A wave of panic came over her. By now drops of rain pitter-pattered the roof of the car. With no bike or directions she will be stuck in the middle of nowhere. Lucas remained her only ride home.

"I'm sorry, sheriff. Please, just take me home." Her heart raced as she waited for an answer. Merlyn's fear of the unknown outweighed her fear of Lucas.

Lucas was right about her sensitiveness. Just the threat of being left to the mercy of the elements or strangers made her beg. Though he would never allow another man touch her. The thought of it angered him. He shifted gears.

Merlyn let out a sigh of relief when Lucas returned to the road. Their little detour grew more intense by the minute.

"What should I call you then? Merlyn? Miss Temple?"

Merlyn blushed when he called her Miss. No one ever called her that.

Lucas chuckled at her reaction. "You like being call Miss. You think you're all grown up and ready to be treated like an adult. You're how old now? Fifteen? Sixteen?" Her rosy cheeks made her more attractive and his desire to touch her warm body increased. But he resisted. His hands stayed on the steering wheel and his eyes on the road.

"Seventeen."

Lucas grinned. "You know the age of consent is sixteen in South Carolina. You and your boyfriend taken a ride yet?" He gripped the steering wheel tighter as he imagined squeezing her boyfriend's neck. Merlyn's taste in suitors was less then refined. Then again anyone but him was a poor choice.

Silently Merlyn ignored the comment and admired a passing field of wildflowers. What business was it of his, if she had sex or not? She feared any comment would leave her on the side of the road. So she kept her mouth shut.

"Come on Miss Temple, everybody has sex, it's nothing to be ashamed of."

Passing by a single corn field a sweet smell entered the car, making Merlyn think of the honeysuckles by the river. The smell made her light headed. She closed her eyes trying to regain her balance; instead she drifted off into the land of dreams.

Her eyes opened to a beautiful meadow of flowers. Overhead the sky was crisp and clear, free of any clouds, though Merlyn thought she heard distant thunder. As she walked, a path never more than a few feet was visible at a time, formed beneath her guiding her towards the edge of the field. The grass, soft beneath her feet, grew above her waist forcing her to push aside the tall shrubs. Despite her difficulty she kept walking as if an invisible rope pulled her along. The urge to keep going strengthen with each step. The closer she reached the forbidding trees the louder her mind screamed to run. She stopped. Something was off.

It was then she noticed the unnatural silence. Absence of birds and insects chirping in the grass concerned her. The field was too beautiful not to have critters enjoying its abundance. A strong breeze rustled the grass and disturbed the silence. The gush of wind lifted her dress exposing her thighs. Quickly she grabbed the hem and held it down to protect her modesty which was silly; no one was around to see her.

Looking over her shoulder she saw dark clouds with a sheet of rain headed towards her. Tossing aside her fear she ran to the trees. She never made it. A boom of thunder shook the ground causing her to tumble.

She fell to the ground as the rain fell on her soaking her thin cotton dress. The grass above towered like trees making her feel small and helpless. With a heave she pushed herself up and continued to the tree line. A few blades of grass didn't control her. She lifted her foot only to find it tangled in the vines. Bending down Merlyn unwrapped her ankle. Her fingers slipped against the wet blades and skin. She cried out in frustration. She was stronger than a few weeds.

And then to her horror a blade of grass slithered towards her and grabbed her other ankle. It ran up her leg locking her down. She screamed when the other grass lashed out and pulled her to the ground. She struggled against the ties. It was only grass, not chains or ropes. Any normal grass she could rip with her bare hands, so why could not she break free? She lifted her head to see a daisy chain form and head to towards her. The wind was stronger and the rain heavier now. The grass reached out like a hand and covered her body like a blanket. It was getting harder to move and fight. She breathed heavily as the monster crushed her. No one heard her screams.

Then the ground shifted beneath her and she sunk in. The weeds pulled her down to the depths of the earth. Before her world turned black, a flash of light illuminated the sky. In the clouds she thought she saw a face, the face of Lucas Buck.

A loud bang woke Merlyn. The glass of her mirror rattled and the rain pattered against the window. Disorientated she looked around her surroundings surprise to be home. One minute the Sheriff was giving her a ride and the next she was on the couch. The fireplace crackled and warmed the dim room.

Her mother's quiet but firm voice came from the other room. Concerned Merlyn pulled off the blanket and went to see what was bothering her mama. When her bare feet touched the ground Merlyn quickly pulled them back up. In the back of her mind she feared a hand would come out from under the couch and grab her foot like in her fading dream. That was silly. It was just a dream. Grass does not grow that fast.

With her irrational fears at ease Merlyn put her feet on the floor and walked to the other room. Numerous candles flickered casting long shadows across the floor. The sweet aroma relaxed her and explained the fragrance of honeysuckles. The power must be out.

In the kitchen her mother's back faced her but the Sheriff, drinking a cup of coffee, noticed her. He said not a word at her presence.

Judith, her mother, stood abruptly. The chair squeaked against the linoleum floor. "That's it. I am taking her to the hospital, where you should've taken her in the first place," she said pointedly. She turned around and jumped at the sight of Merlyn. She placed a hand on her heart.

"Mama, what's going on?" Merlyn hugged her arms.

Judith placed a hand on her forehead before cupping her face. "You passed out. Are you feeling okay?" She pulled Merlyn in for a hug.

The fear and concern in her eyes made Merlyn weary of Sheriff Buck. Her mother got like this every time he was around. Merlyn pushed her away and looked to Lucas. "I'm fine. How long was I out?"

Lucas set his mug down. "No more than five minutes. I was telling your mama that you're fine, no need for hospitals and doctors. Pushing that bike of yours wore you out." He stood up and grabbed his hat.

With arms still crossed Merlyn went over to thank him. "Thank you for getting me home." She held out her hand.

"It was my pleasure." Instead of shaking it Lucas brought the hand to his lips and kissed it. An electric shock rushed through her and she was caught up by his gaze. Her mother's gentle touch brought her back to reality and Merlyn pulled her hand back.

Lucas smirked. "Ladies, I must be off. Thanks for the coffee, Judith." With a tilt of his hat he left the house.

Merlyn stared at the swinging screen door the Sheriff just exited. Part of her feared him and part of her longed to see him again.

Judith worried for her daughter, a young thing of only seventeen, caught the Sheriff's eye like she once did. The only difference was that Merlyn was entranced with the Sheriff while Judith was not.

"Come on Merlyn, let's get you ready for bed." With her hands on her daughter's shoulder Judith guided her to the other room. Merlyn made no response. Judith brushed away a stray hair and looked her in the eyes hoping to wake her daughter. "What happened, Merly Ann?"

A dark recognition and anger came to Merlyn's eyes. "Don't call me that." Merlyn pushed her away and went to her room. The door slammed shut behind her.

Judith closed her eyes in prayer. Thankful that her daughter was home safe but concerned with the change in attitude. Merlyn never disrespected her and this little act worried her. What was going on?


	2. Part 2

Warning this chapter contains elements sexual assault/rape.

Part 2

In the darkness of night, two lovers laid on the dewy grass. Merlyn leaned in for Ray's kiss. It was soft and gentle. If her daddy knew she snuck out with a boy she would be grounded for the next week. Ray whispered in her ear sweet promises of the future.

She sighed in bliss. "Oh I don't know Ray. I'm still in high school." She looked into his eyes wishing she could see them better. She touched his cheek and kissed him again.

At the end of the kiss Ray took her hand. "That's why I'm asking you first. Come on, what do you think?" He started kissing each finger.

Merlyn giggled. Their intimacy ended when a bright light blinded them. Merlyn held up a hand to block the light and recognized the voice of Lucas Buck.

"I think you should leave Merly Ann alone." His voice filled with jealousy. "Get up."

Before Merlyn had a chance Lucas grabbed her arm and hauled her up. Roughly he turned her around and locked her hands behind her back. She cried out when cold, metal cuffs entrapped her wrist. "Why are you doing this?"

She looked to Ray to see him on his stomach as another deputy cuffed him. "Come on man. We weren't doing anything," he grunted.

"You've been a naughty girl," he said only loud enough for Merlyn to hear. Lucas pushed her to the ground. When her dress rode up exposing her underwear Lucas took a long look. Merlyn shuddered. To think she ever wanted to see him again.

Meanwhile the deputy went through Ray's pockets and ruffled through Merlyn's purse. "I don't know why we're doing this, there's nothing on them.

"You just have to look harder Ben."

Ben gave him an unconvinced look but continued to shuffle through Merlyn's personal belongings. "There's nothing here."

"Give me that." Lucas grabbed the purse and dumped its contents on the wet ground. Crumple up bills, loose change, a tube of lipstick, tampons etc. fell out. It embarrassed Merlyn to have her life exposed but the way Lucas looked at her that was the least of her worries.

Lucas picked up an unfamiliar baggie that dropped from her purse. He opened it and gave it a sniff. "What do we have here? Care to explain missy?"

Merlyn shook her head. "That's not mine. I don't know where it came from."

Lucas frowned and circled her like a vulture. "That's what they all say." He stopped and waved the baggie in front of her.

"You got to believe me." She struggled against her binds desperate to get away. She didn't fear getting into trouble with the law; she feared getting into trouble with the Law.

"Who would think that a sweet, beautiful girl like you would be involved with drugs? What would your mama think?" He knelt down, his face close, close enough to kiss her. He licked his lips in a way that only Merlyn saw.

"Leave her alone," said Ray. It wasn't right the way Lucas was treating his girlfriend.

Lucas glared at Ray. "I'll leave her alone when I finish, unless you have something to contribute with that half baked brain of yours."

During his teens, Ray spent more time in juvie than school. He wanted a fresh start somewhere with Merlyn. However, he knew that Merlyn's life would be ruined if she was arrested. And it would be his fault for being involved with her. He did not want to drag her down in his quarrel with the Sheriff. Ray stood up. "It's mine. I put it in her purse without her knowing."

Lucas pressed his lips. "Is that so?"

"Yep. Merlyn had nothing to do with it."

"Such a shame, I hoped you turned a new leaf kid but I guess I was wrong. Ben, take Ray here to the car."

Ben gripped Ray's arm. "What about the girl?"

"Merly Ann and I need to have a talk."

Ben sighed and walked Ray to the waiting car.

"Now where were we?" Lucas looked at her for a long minute deciding how he wanted her. Merlyn grimaced when he gave her a sly smile. She was at his mercy.

"On your knees girl," he ordered.

Merlyn struggled to kneel and when she took too long Lucas grabbed her shoulders and manhandled her until she cowered before him. As she knelt, Lucas ran his hands through her hair. She smelled him, his musk, his cologne, his sweat. In turn he breathed in her hair.

"What do you want?" She trembled remembering her nightmare with the grasses, trapped and helpless. Goose bumps ran up her arms. Rocks and sticks dug into her knees.

Lucas knelt down on one knee and lifted her chin. Even then he still towered above her. "It's not what I want, it's what you want and what you are willing to do to get it."

"What do you mean?"

"I can still lock you up darling, after all those nasty drugs were in your purse. It won't be hard to convince the judge that Ray was covering for you; he is just a young man in love. And what would your poor mama think?"

Merlyn turned away from his hard gaze. Not a hint of mercy was in his eyes. He would lock her up if she didn't comply. A tear ran down her face.

"What do I have to do?"

Lucas wiped her tear away. "Don't cry. It will be over soon." With that he kissed her on the dew damp grass.

Merlyn froze when his lips touched hers. This wasn't happening. The Sheriff was kissing her, unbelievable. She stayed still, if the Sheriff just wanted a kiss she will give that. After a moment he pulled away and stood up. Merlyn let out a breath of relief. When she tried to get up, Lucas pushed her down. A wave of panic rushed through her. What more did he want? Her question was soon answered.

"We're not done." He grabbed her hair with one hand and unfastened his pants with the other.

A pit formed in Merlyn's stomach and she sobbed. Lucas motioned to the spot between his legs. "Take it and don't you dare bite."

Merlyn shook her head and bit her lip until she tasted blood. A tsk came from Lucas then he yanked her hair causing her to scream. He took the opportunity to enter her mouth. Yes, he took a chance but Merlyn was delicate and would do whatever he wanted in order to survive.

She gagged. He moaned.

"You feel so good, Merly Ann. Now use those wet lips your mama gave you."

Merlyn did as she was told and prayed he'll finish soon. Both hands were in her hair guiding her head. Every touch burned her. Every thrust of his hips choked her. Every moan that escaped from him made her feel sick, worthless.

Then suddenly he stopped and climaxed at the back of her throat. With a shudder he released forcing Merlyn to swallow. Tears still ran down her face but her sobs were silenced by Lucas. He pulled out and quickly fastened his pants. Merlyn fell down at his feet.

Prostrated before him Lucas noticed her ass sticking up in the air. He so wanted to take her properly right then and there but he had taken too long already. Going around to un-cuff her, he allowed himself a good feel before unlocking her.

Lucas's touch was anything but subtle. As soon as the cuffs unlatched and fell off, Merlyn jumped up and ran. She didn't care that Lucas Buck was the sheriff; all she needed was to get as far from him as fast as she could. Like her dream trees loomed before her only this time she reached them. Taking cover in the dark woods Merlyn stopped to catch her breath. She didn't have time but her lungs ached for air. A twig snapped behind her. With a jerk her body was pushed against a tree. The rough bark scraped her back through her dress. A hand covered her mouth just as she let out a scream. And another wrapped around her neck. It was Lucas.

"Darling, if you wanted to play games, all you had to do is ask," he laughed.

As Merlyn fought against his hold, his hand became tighter around her neck in warning. She understood and stopped.

"That's right, relax. I'm a man of my word. You don't need to fear me, right?"

Merlyn nodded.

"I'm going to let go and we'll go back to the car peacefully, understand? Ben probably wants to send a search party out by now."

Merlyn nodded again and was released at least partially. Without a word Merlyn allowed him to take her arm and lead her back to the car.

When Ben saw her disheveled state he spoke up. "What did you do to her?"

Instead of putting her in the back with Ray, Lucas pushed her in the middle seat between him and Ben. Ben shifted and started the car. "Merlyn and I had a little talk. I think she understands now why good girls don't date jail birds." His eyes followed Merlyn's every move.

"That's all?" said Ben taking another glance at Merlyn.

"Yes. Now keep your eyes on the road."

Ben shook his head in disbelief. Even he couldn't stop Lucas.

In the darkness Merlyn gasped when Lucas put his hand on her exposed knee. He squeezed in warning. On the way back he threatened terrible things would befall her if she ever told. He had her silence, but inside her mind she screamed.

The hard wood pressed against Merlyn's back as she testified. "Yes sir, that bag was in my purse. No sir, I did not put it there," she answered the judge.

"How did the drugs get there?"

"I do not know." Merlyn bowed her head. She told the truth and Ray went to jail.

In the back of the court room sat Lucas Buck watching her. His dark eyes pierced her soul like he could read her deepest, darkest secrets which ironically were about him.

The last light of dusk sunk below the horizon as Merlyn walked home that evening. She needed time away to sort out her feelings, thoughts, guilt. Despite her testimony, Ray, an innocent man, went to jail. Mama and Daddy didn't understand.

She shivered as a cool breeze brushed her shoulders. Five more minutes and she will be home. She reached the turn to her road when red lights flashed behind her. Terror struck her heart at the sound of his voice.

"Wait up, Miss Temple." Lucas pulled up in front of her cutting her off from home. His expression a smile with the hint of displeasure.

Merlyn mind urged her to run but her feet stayed glued to the ground. And then something in her snapped. She was alone again with Lucas Buck. "Run little Merly, run as fast as you can," mocked the blowing trees.

Her feet moved.

Too late.

Lucas grabbed her in his iron grip like he did so many times before. She never heard the door open and yet he was here restraining her. He pushed her against the car and cuffed her. She didn't have to see his face to know he was angry.

"What were you thinking Merly Ann?" he breathed into her ear. "You didn't know."

Shivers ran down her spine with the closeness. Lucas leaned into her. "I wasn't going to lie," she said in a panic.

Lucas tucked her hair back this time unhindered. "We had a deal. And I don't like deal breakers." Lucas shook her and turned her around to face him.

"I'm sorry." Merlyn prayed for salvation from the devil.

"I'm afraid it's too late for that."

Within a split second Merlyn found herself laying on the firm backseat of the car. She winced as the cold, unforgiving cuffs dug into her wrist. She wiggled her way to the other door only to be pulled down. Lifting up her head she watched as Lucas climbed onto of her with his belt buckle already unfasten.

"Fleeing an officer is a crime. I'm afraid I'm going to have to arrest you darling," he said as his hands traced her body.

Her mind raced in warning. He took her mind and he already took her voice all that was left was her body.

"Please don't. Please just leave me alone."

An icy finger pressed her lips. "Shh, this was a long time coming. You know what happens to deal breakers?"

Merlyn shook her head.

"They pay." Without any more talk Lucas ripped her dress top to bottom and started rubbing her body.

His touch was like little ants crawling up her body, light but creepy. His mouth covered hers before she could scream. She screamed anyway. Her legs kick feverously but with Lucas already in the middle did little to deter him. Then his tongue entered her mouth and Merlyn took the opportunity to hurt him. She bit it.

Lucas pulled back and slapped her causing her to taste blood. She wasn't sure if it was his or hers.

And then he paused, just for a moment to pull out a bottle of water and some pills. This time Merlyn screamed and Lucas shoved the pills into her mouth and drowned her with water. Coughing replaced her screams as she struggled to breathe.

In her distress she failed to notice Lucas going for his real goal. She gasped in pain when he shoved into her and ripped away her dignity. It didn't matter if she screamed, or begged or cried now, he trapped her in his web.

A familiar light headedness came over her and she closed her eyes hoping the nightmare would go away.


	3. Part 3

Part 3

Merlyn opened her eyes to the fire lit room. Shadows danced. Flames flicked. A hypnotizing sight in the hearth calmed and warmed her. Above the fireplace hung a mirror and in the mirror Merlyn saw herself dressed in white lace. At least the dress had been white at one point.

She felt strange, out of place like the first day of a new school or stopping on a long car ride. Everything seemed unbalanced or maybe it was just her. Looking up farther Merlyn saw paper snowflakes dangling from the wooden beams. The closest thing she ever saw to real snow. It was Christmas already?

A cry caused Merlyn to survey her surroundings. Her eyes landed on a wicker basket on the floor. Her mother's knitting basket only this basket did not hold yarn. A door opened and shut in the distance but Merlyn focused on the basket. Cautiously she pulled back the covering to reveal a baby, her baby. She picked up the crying infant and rocked him.

"Everything is going to be alright now that mama's here," she told the child only it wasn't. In the back of her mind something dangerous stalked her. She had to protect her child.

The floor creaked and Merlyn spun around to see a dark figure staring into the flames. She recognized him, Lucas Buck. He made no inclination that he noticed her as he puffed a cigar. The room filled with the smell of his tobacco.

As the minutes passed, the heat and the baby's cries increased. Sweat ran down her back causing her dress to stick to her body. Merlyn unwrapped the baby hoping to give him some relief except he kept crying and soaked her dress with his damp skin.

A thick layer of smoke descended on the room. Merlyn struggled to breathe and when the baby stopped crying she started to worry.

Lucas stood there unbothered by Merlyn's distressed like she did not exist. He was her only salvation.

Despite warning bells ringing in her head Merlyn called out to him. "Please help me, help my baby." On her knees she begged him.

Lucas looked up in the mirror and saw her. Their eyes met with resentment and fear. Merlyn waited frozen by his mysterious, dark gaze. Finally he spoke words that sent shivers down her spine.

"You're supposed to be dead." He turned to face her.

Merlyn screamed at the sight of his countenance. Raw muscle covered his face making his eyes bulge out and his smile sinister. He looked like a zombie from one of Ray's movies, ghoulish and frightening.

Only one thought crossed her mind – protect the baby.

Merlyn stood and backed up in the dimming room with the babe still in her arms. She clutched her child tight as she bummed into chairs and tables never taking her eyes off Lucas. She panicked with she reached the wall cutting off her escape. The room was dark and the only thing visible was Lucas's glowing face.

"I'm going to get you Merly Ann," he said with outstretched arms.

Her time was up she knew. She sunk down the wall and closed her eyes waiting for Lucas to grab her.

Merlyn woke with a jolt confused and hot. Her heart raced under the covers as her breaths struggled to keep up. A fan hummed by the wall offering little relief from the humid, heavy air. An open window offered a symphony of cricket spotlighted by the moon.

A light glowed under the closed door. Merlyn heard her mama's soft voice from the other room. Without a clock Merlyn gather it must not be too late if her parents were talking in the night. Slowly she crept out of bed not out choice but because every muscle of her body ached without reason. Cracking the door open Merlyn observed her mama knitting in the rocking chair and her daddy reclined with a beer. Words went back and forth with tension but it wasn't about her daddy drinking or the lack money, they were concern about her. When the door creaked they stopped and turned in her direction.

Merlyn wanted the love and comfort from her parents in the mist of her unstable mind. The same strangeness of her dream tricked her eyes. They were so close and so far away at the same time. She did not trust her senses.

Gage patted the couch next to him. "Come here."

Merlyn went to her father and cuddled up to him embracing his warmth. It was then that Merlyn noticed that Gage's beer remained untouched and Judith twisted the yarn in her fingers.

"What's going on?"

Judith leaned forward and patted her knee. "We were hoping you could tell us."

Merlyn shook her head. "I don't know. I don't even remember going to bed." She snuggled closer to Gage looking for security in his hold.

Her mother's face fell. A hint of fear lingered in her eyes. She explained how Merlyn came home dazed without explanation. During dinner she stared at the wall ignoring her food. When Judith asked her what's wrong Merlyn said she didn't feel well and asked to be excused. She left before receiving permission. Later when Judith checked on her she was sleeping fully clothed.

Her mother's answer only gave Merlyn more questions, including why couldn't she remember?

"What's wrong with me?" That's the last she said before darkness consumed her.

Voices and lights swam around her head. Blurry images of her parents flashed before her. A pounding echoed in her head. Nothing focused. Nothing made sense. Only the familiar darkness sheltered her.

"Merlyn, Merlyn."

In the darkness Merlyn followed the call of her name, the guide, the light in a very confusing time. She struggled to keep her eyes open only to find when she closed them she could see.

"Merlyn, honey." Her mama knelt beside the bed holding her hand. "Gage, she's awake."

Her daddy sat in the chair with head bowed. He lifted his face from his hands at the good news.

"Mama, what happened?" Merlyn knew what happened but feared voicing it.

"You passed out again." Judith squeezed her hand.

"We were worried about you baby," said Gage. He leaned against the foot of the bed.

A knocked on the door alerted them to the Lucas's arrival. The three of them turned their attention to him.

"May I come in?" He entered the room without invitation, stepping into their privacy and distress. Merlyn shuddered and knocked over a glass of water when he looked her straight in the eye. A stare that bore down to her very soul. "Miss Temple I hope you understand I have more important things to do than question your recreational activities. Haven't we spent enough time in court? However, your parents are concerned citizens and it's my duty to ensure your safety, even if that means keeping you safe from yourself, _capiche_?"

Merlyn nodded and sipped water from the cup her mother offered. "I understand." No she did not understand. She barely understood what happened an hour ago, an hour ago when she heard his silky voice above her.

"What's the last thing you remember?" he said.

"I was walking home. The sun was setting and I was worried about the dark." Not the night time but the darkness that closed in on her more than once, a night without stars or moon to guide.

"I see. Who's your friend?"

"Polly Bowman," she said.

"Carter Bowman's little girl?"

"Yes."

"A little piece of advice, you best stay away from that junk yard. That ain't no place for good girls like you. Now what were you doing there in the first place?"

_Good girl._ A bell rang in her head like the surfacing of a memory trying to break through. If only she could remember. She shut her eyes to shut out all of the distractions.

Snap and her eyes opened.

"Merlyn are you okay?" Her mother's worried face loomed over her. "Gage go get the nurse."

Lucas closed his notebook and stashed it in his pocket. "I think we're done. Mrs. Temple why don't you and Gage stop by the station tomorrow? There are some things I would like to discuss."

Drugs. Lucas convinced her parents and the judge that she was doing drugs. She never touched coke or weed or anything in her life and yet she was declared a druggie, after all her boyfriend was serving time for drug possession. It didn't help that her mind blanked at the most inopportune moments or that she hallucinated in the middle of the day. Her mother more than once found her staring into space or mumble incoherently before she checked into rehab. Lucas convinced the judge to drop charges on the condition that Merlyn seek help, and thus she was sent to Juniper at the discretion of her parents.

Even when she was determined to be clean her doctors remained clueless about her diagnosis. With nothing in her system Merlyn continued to experience episodes of confusion. She went days without knowing where she was or why. It didn't bother her. In the end they concluded that whatever mysterious drugs she used permanently damage her psyche.

Several days into her stay she learned that she was pregnant. She placed a hand over her womb and prayed that it wasn't so. No, she couldn't be pregnant, she was on the pill. She and Ray used protection. Then she hoped that it was Ray's but deep in her heart she knew it was a hopeful wish. Something told her that this child came from violence and a violent act she failed to remember. In the end it didn't bother her that much because she forgot about the unborn baby she was carrying. She went days without a single thought for the baby until she looked down and saw her swollen belly. That's right, she's preggers.

Until she gave birth and then forgot all about him at least for a time.

One bright morning, like the morning from her dream, Merlyn woke with clarity in her thought and a new energy in her step. It was like an invisible weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Her chains were gone. Her cheerfulness soon mellowed when she saw her room only it wasn't her room. Confused Merlyn left the bed and found her way to the nurse's station.

"Where am I?"

"Here we go again," muttered the nurse at the desk. She reached under the counter and pulled out a cup of pills. "Take your meds sweetie and everything will be okay."

_Everything with be okay._ Her words echoed in the back of her mind like a warning. Images of her parents, of the hospital, of the Sheriff all came flooding back. That's right. Lucas accused her of using drugs before locking her up in the asylum. "No, not until I talk to someone in charge."

The nurse crossed her arms and huffed. "Right now I'm in charge princess and if you ever want to get out here, you will take these pills." She placed the cup in her hand. "Go on."

With no choice Merlyn tilted the cup back and swallowed her medication. The nurse offered her a Dixie cup of water which Merlyn gladly accepted. She opened her mouth and was dismissed when the nurse was satisfied that she consumed them all. She hoped whatever she took wouldn't make her sleepy, sick or confused. She needed to find a doctor.

A day later Merlyn found herself sitting in the doctor's office and listening to his explanation. She had been there for over a year. She had missed a year of her life and she did not remember much at all. How was that even possible? Something was not right.

"What about my parents? Can I give them a call and have them pick me up?" Merlyn was ready to escape this purgatory. She wanted to smell her mama's perfume and be held in her daddy's strong arms.

The doctor looked at her with pity. "I'm sorry to tell you this Merlyn, but your parents died in a car crash three months ago."

"No." Her parents couldn't be dead. She needed them. A hand instinctively went to her stomach to protect her baby. Wait, she was pregnant? She looked down and observed her flat stomach. An ache grew inside of her like something was missing, something was taken from her. "Doctor, did I have a baby?"

"Yes, a boy."

"Where is he?"

"Gail Emory, I believe she is your cousin, came up from Charleston to claim the child. To be honest we had doubts that you would recover."

Merlyn sat back to process the information. She had a son. Her son was with Gail. Gail came up a couple Christmas's ago looking to reconnect with her family. Merlyn admired Gail and was disappointed when she skipped the next Christmas and the Christmas after that. Something or someone scared her away. And now she came back for family.

A couple weeks passed before Merlyn was released back to her family. She held her infant son for the first time, her beautiful baby, at the home of Sheriff Buck. Lucas still gave her the willies but Gail was living in the big mansion with him. Buck wormed his way into Gail's heart. Merlyn blamed the baby for her softness. A journalist didn't have time for a baby and a demanding career. Gail had intended to return to Charleston and hire a nanny but Lucas offered her another solution. Stay with him and he'll take care of her and the baby. Gail never intended on being a full time homemaker but she fell in love with the little man.

It was like a fairy tale. Gail found her family.

Merlyn nursed Adrian in the living room. The living room, kitchen and her bedroom were the only places she felt comfortable. She avoided the dark corridors and mysterious hall ways. Still the draft sent shivers up her spine. Lucas insisted that Merlyn move in and help raise the baby. Gail returned to work part-time now that Merlyn could nanny her own son. Merlyn didn't mind. Adrian was all she had left in this world. And Lucas knew that.

He pulled her aside one day out of Gail's hearing and told her that under no circumstances was she to run away with Adrian. If she did he promised to lock her up and then she would never see her son again. Her arm still ached from his tight grip. It took all of her will power not to tremble when he entered the room. She didn't want Gail to know that she was afraid of Lucas.

Gail, on the other hand, was enamored by Lucas. When Merlyn asked if she was sleeping with him, she stammered and blushed and confirmed what Merlyn already suspected. She only hoped that Lucas wouldn't hurt her cousin.

It didn't work out. Gail became obsessed with the inconsistency and conspiracy revolving around Trinity and Lucas Buck. It caused friction in the relationship and Gail came to her senses and left Lucas. She tried to take Merlyn and Adrian with her but the courts refused. Under the watchful eye of Lucas, Merlyn lied to the courts about Gail. She remembered what happened last time. She kept her head low, did as she was told, and Lucas received sole custody.

Merlyn was selfishly glad that Lucas still had her son. Gail would've taken her boy back to Charleston like she originally planned. She invited Merlyn to come along but Lucas dashed her hopes. No judge would leave her alone with her son. So she lied. She continued to mother Adrian as her grew.

For a time she was content without Gail until Lucas proposition her. In many ways she replaced Gail and now Lucas wanted her in his bed. If she didn't he'd kick her out. The boy no longer needed a nanny. Her choice was easy. Merlyn submitted.

After a few months Lucas married her. He claimed that it was for legal reasons. He wanted to ensure that she and Adrian would be taken care of if anything ever happened to him. But Merlyn knew he just wanted to make it harder for her to leave him. It made her uneasy.

From the outside the town observed a nice quiet family. The Sheriff took mercy on a teen mother and fulfilled the role of caretaker and provider. Merlyn couldn't argue about his provision which was more than sufficient. No, Lucas abused her and manipulated her long before Adrian came along. She was just too young to understand at the time. She feared him then and she feared him now. She did her best to set aside her fears for the sake of her son. After all Lucas hadn't threaten to kill her. He promised pain but never death. Gail saw that and ran. Merlyn refused to acknowledge it and stayed.

The one joy in her life was Adrian and Merlyn did her best to treasure and love every moment she shared with him, even when the darkness lurked in the shadows.


End file.
